There Are Two Types of L'amour
by Sjutton
Summary: It's Valentine's Day, and Sealand and Ladonia's parents are out for a date night. The two brothers decide to take France's idea of baking a special kind of cake for their parents, but little do they know that the cake isn't what you'd call... appropriate. Happy St. Valentine's!


"Ha! Told you I was better than you at Super Mario Kart!" Ladonia screeched, holding his Wii controller high into the air with victory.

"No fair! It's just because we're playing on Rainbow Road! I could beat you on, like, any other map!" Sealand whined, pouting at his brother.

"Keep telling yourself that, kid." The redhead replied sassily, a huge smirk stretching across his face.

"Hey! You stole that from papa! He's the only one that's allowed—"

"Boys, boys, calm down." Finland appeared behind them, putting a calming hand on either of their shoulders. "I have something to tell you. Your papa and I are going out for our special Valentine's date night, and I want you two to be on your best behaviour while we're gone. We'll be back in two hours, alright?"

Sealand gazed up at the Finn, the pout still etched on his face. "Okay, mama."

Ladonia stuck out his tongue. "I don't give a damn."

"Ladonia!" Finland gasped in horror. "No cursing in this household!"

"Why does papa get to do it then, and I don't?" Ladonia demanded, crossing his arms.

Finland whipped around, scrutinising his husband with fierce purple eyes. "Su-san, have you been teaching the kids swear words again?"

The two young boys popped their heads above the couch to watch as Sweden shrugged. "I taught 'em a few in Swedish, b't that's all. N' idea where they l'rned the rest of 'm."

The brothers fell back on the couch, bursting with giggles.

"Alright, whatever. I'm not gonna ask. Just be good, okay?" Finland said, kissing the tops of both of their heads once they calmed down a bit. "I love you."

"Bye, mama!" They called in unison as they watched their parents leave.

They looked at each other for a second, before Ladonia picked up his controller once more. "Bet I can kick your ass on Wario's Gold Mine!"

The blonde smirked. "You're on."

Twenty minutes and six rounds later, the boys lay back on the couch, bored of playing Mario Kart.

"What should we do?" Ladonia sighed, picking at a loose thread in the couch.

"Hmm…" Sealand furrowed his brow, pretending like he was stroking an invisible moustache in thought. "Oh! Mr. France told me about a cool Valentine's Day cake we can bake! He said that if we really want to show how much we love someone, we should cut the cake in a specific way."

"Sounds cool! Let's do it!"

The two boys leaped off the couch, dashing to the kitchen in glee.

"Alright, what do we do first?" Ladonia asked, climbing up to sit on one of the stools at the breakfast bar.

"Well, I've never actually baked a cake before all by myself. I only know how to make scones, because that jerk England taught me." Sealand said, sticking out his tongue at the reminiscence of England's scones.

"Well, we could always improvise," Ladonia noted, swivelling around on his stool. "Or I could find a recipe on the Internet."

"Okay!"

A minute later, Ladonia had pulled up a recipe for the dessert, and was now scrolling through the ingredients. "Okay, so first, it says you hafta preheat the oven to 350 degrees. How do you do that?"

"Oh! I think I know how!" Sealand said, jogging over to the oven and standing on his tip-toes in order to see the numbers. He punched on a few buttons, making the oven light go on and the screen light up with the words 'heating'.

"There! What next?"

"Hmm." Ladonia scrolled down the screen. "Alright, so the ingredients we need are white sugar, butter, eggs, vanilla extract, flour, baking powder, and milk. The measuring units we need are…"

Ladonia continued, drawling out his voice slightly as he watched Sealand mix and measure the ingredients. His eyes widened as he noticed the way Sealand cracked the eggs. "No, wait, I don't think you're supposed to mix the egg shells in!"

"Whoops!" Sealand glanced at him with innocent eyes and a rather sheepish look on his face. "Well, too late!"

Ladonia shook his head. "Whatever, I'm sure it'll still taste fine."

"Fine?" Sealand stared at him with a pucker look on his face. "It's gonna be the best cake ever, what are you talking about?"

Ladonia sighed. "Just get on with it, peasant."

"Hey!"

The kitchen was a mess, to say the least. There was flour all over the kitchen island as well as the floor, and a puddle of milk dripped off the counter and down the cabinets. The sugar littered under the brothers' feet crunched as they continued to work together on the batter, mixing and adding more ingredients until the batter was rather thick and gloppy.

"Do you think it's supposed to look this way?" Sealand asked, taking a handful of the stuff and letting it drip back into the bowl.

"Looks fine to me!"

Sealand shrugged and nodded. "I'll find a pan."

He picked around the kitchen, finally finding the pans in a drawer below the oven. He pulled one out and held it up for Ladonia to judge. "Do you think this is big enough?"

"Sure."

Sealand kicked the drawer closed and went back over to his brother, taking the bowl of batter and pouring it into the pan.

"Oops!" Sealand exclaimed as a bit of the batter spilled over the side of the pan.

"Stupid," Ladonia muttered as he swiped the mess up with a bundle of paper towels.

"Hey! I'm not stupid!" Sealand yelled in defence as he whisked the pan off the counter. "Open the oven, will you?"

Ladonia grumbled, but reluctantly complied. Sealand stretched over the outstretched oven door, just barely fitting the pan into the oven without burning himself. He shut the door and dusted off his hands in triumph. "How long should it stay in there?"

Ladonia shrugged. "I don't feel like checking. Can't we just take it out when it looks ready?"

Sealand harrumphed. "Fine, I'll check then." He stalked over to Ladonia's Samsung, swiping it and scrolling down the recipe.

"Seventeen minutes." Sealand said, placing the phone back on the counter.

"M'kay." Ladonia yawned. "I'm gonna go play Minecraft."

"Hey, wait up!"

Thirty minutes and eight Minecraft deaths later, Ladonia could smell something weird in the air. "What's that smell?"

Sealand stuck his nose up and sniffed, his eyes going wide as he recognised the ashy scent. "The cake!"

The two boys shared a panicked look before they leaped up, nearly tripping over each other as they ran to the kitchen. Sealand hurriedly ripped open the oven door, releasing a bout of thick black smoke. He grabbed a nearby pair of oven mitts and carefully took out the cake, sighing in relief when he saw that it wasn't completely black.

As soon as he set the dessert on the counter, the fire alarm started blaring, causing him to jump in shock and nearly fall down. He saw Hanatamago run around the corner, yipping in fear at the strange loud noise.

"Ssh, girl, it's okay…" Sealand cooed, picking up the little ball of white fluff and cuddling her.

"It's most definitely _not_ okay, you perkele!" Ladonia yelled over the obnoxious beeping of the fire alarm.

"Ooh, I'm telling mama you said that!" Sealand screeched, holding Hanatamago tighter to his chest.

The brothers bickered for another minute as the smoke cleared. Finally, the fire alarm stopped going off, making them all relax.

Sealand rubbed Hanatamago's ears, kissing her on top of her head. "I'm sorry, Hana."

He gently set the dog down, watching her wobble slightly before disappearing around the corner again.

"Right, now, the cake." Ladonia mumbled awkwardly, prodding it with his finger. "It still looks edible."

"Why, of course it is! It's more than edible!" Sealand laughed nervously. "We just gotta cut it and frost it!"

Ladonia shrugged. "Yeah, whatever."

Sealand took this as a sign of approval. He danced over to the pantry and rifled through it until he found a container of plain vanilla frosting and some pink sprinkles, then went back to the counter and pulled a huge knife from one of the drawers.

"Do you think this is too big?"

"That's what she said." Ladonia deadpanned, blowing a strand of hair out of his face.

Sealand didn't exactly know what this meant, so he decided to take it as a 'no'. "Great!"

Ladonia snickered as Sealand began to draw a line along the cake. "What shape are you cutting it into?"

Sealand didn't even look over at him, too immersed in his cake-cutting. "A special shape that Mr. France told me about. He said—"

"Yeah, yeah, you told me about that part earlier. What I'm asking now is _what shape you're cutting it in_." Ladonia drawled, saying the last part ever-so-slowly as if he was talking to someone a fourth of Sealand's age.

The blonde obviously didn't pick up the belittling tone in his brother's voice. "Hm, well, I'm actually not sure what the shape's called, I only remember what it looked like. It's kind of like a heart, but with… more."

The two sat in silence as Sealand cut and frosted the dessert, Ladonia picking at his cuticles uninterestedly. The abrupt sound of the knife hitting the granite countertop made him jump.

"I'm done!" Sealand exclaimed proudly. "Come look!"

The redhead slid off of his stool and strolled over to see Sealand's work, expecting nothing out of the ordinary.

If he had been drinking coffee, he would've spat it out when he saw what Sealand had fashioned the cake into. "W-what the hell?"

"Don't you like it?" Sealand whined, staring at his brother with puppy-dog eyes.

"I-I mean, just—" Ladonia stuttered. "I-Isn't that a—"

"Hmph." Sealand crossed his arms, sticking his nose into the air. "I'm sure mama and papa will love it."

At that exact moment, the front door flew open, revealing the aforementioned 'mama and papa' breaking away from a kiss.

"Eew!" The two young boys cried in unison.

"Oh, hey b— _what the hell happened in here?_ " Finland gasped, his violet eyes going wide in horror as he took in the mess. His eyes found the cake that lay on the counter, and Sealand could've sworn his mama's eyes popped out of his head.

"Mama! Do you like it? Me and Ladonia—"

" _What the f_ —" Sweden quickly covered his husband's mouth to mute the word a bit— " _is this?_ "

In front of the two husbands sat a frosted cake with pink sprinkles. The cake was shaped exactly like a penis.

"M-Mr. France told me that if I w-want to show how much I l-love you, I s-should cut the cake like t-this…" Sealand wailed, bursting into tears.

Ladonia, however, had a partially amused, partially embarrassed look on his face. "I tried to tell him, but—"

"S-shut up, Ladonia, I'm older than—"

"Wait, France t'ld ya to do this?" Sweden said coolly, bending over and putting a hand on both of the boys' shoulders.

Sealand nodded up at him, face red and cheeks stained with tears. Sweden rose to his full height again and strode over to the umbrella stand, from which he pulled his infamous metal staff. " 'M goin' to beat his ass."

"W-wait, Su-san, but it's Valentine's Day!" Finland reminded him, making the other man hesitate.

"Fine, I'll st'y, but only 'cause of the g'rter belt n' the whip." Sweden murmured, dropping his staff back in the holder.

Finland's face turned a bright red. "S-Su-san, not in front of the kids!"

Sealand, being the innocent one, didn't think anything of what his father had just said. Ladonia, however, was breaking down in silent fits of laughter.

"W-well, eh, why don't we watch a V-Valentine's movie or something?" Finland stuttered awkwardly, his face still burning in embarrassment.

"Or we could, you know, not." Ladonia grumbled. "Why don't we play Super Smash Bros or something?"

"Sounds good." Sweden said, glancing at his husband.

"Oh! We could eat me and Ladonia's cake while we're playing!" Sealand shouted in joy.

Finland scratched the back of his neck anxiously. "Uh, sure, I guess, just let me… Cut it into a more appropriate shape…"

And with that, the family settled into the couch with their surprisingly-not-so-bad-burnt-cake, Hanatamago coming to join them eventually. They didn't need a Valentine's party (unless, of course, you counted what was to happen late that night) to celebrate together.

The celebration continued (for one of them, at least) when the next day a certain Frenchman was admitted into the hospital for several painful blows to head and a severe blackout.


End file.
